If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
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