Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
