His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
