Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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