your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
