You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
