I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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