I got chris browned last night
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
