just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
