Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
