Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize