1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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