The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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