True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
