You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she looked like the before picture.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
