im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You pole danced in your parka.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
