are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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