I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
