some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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