He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
