Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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