Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
