I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
40s are totally the cure
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
