i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
