Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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