She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
