She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
