but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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