shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize