I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
