my sisters under your porch take her home
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
