I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
