everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
