Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
