I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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