He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Houston, we have a squirter
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
