I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
her vagine was all disorganized.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
