It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
