Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
