I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
