you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
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Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
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