I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
