there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
