you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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