It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
