3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
