Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
