i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
