You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
