Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
