We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
