All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
