all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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