Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
