That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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