now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
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You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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