Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
