Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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