Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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