Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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