Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
