She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
