Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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