he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
