my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
