Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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