I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Go christen that room with your naked body.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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