I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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